IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
We at Patrick Airlines take the threat of covid-19 very seriously. To ensure the maximum possible safety for our valued customers, we’ve made the difficult decision to cancel our in cabin service. However, preflight cookies are available with advance purchase.
Use promo code for 4% Discount: COVIDCOOKIE2019
The Shit Tier
Here at Patrick Airlines we treat all our new customers like shit. Guaranteed.
The Non-Shit Tier
You get all the same comforts of The Shit Tier, plus a Triscuit.
Bronze Tier
Eat your complementary triscuit in luxury as you prepare your living will with our complementary stationary!
Aluminum Tier
Congratulations, you are living the good life. May you have a great life with your perfect family. Hopefully they will see you again. We will try our best. There are unfortunately no additional benefits associated with the aluminum tier.
Polonium Tier
Love the exotic qualities of radioactive Polonium? This is the perfect tier for the globe trotter looking for cancer and other perks. Why shouldn’t your grandchildren have four arms? Let’s roll those dice!
Instant Notification
Keep tabs on your loved ones, we will notify you instantly upon any unplanned accidents.
Full flight refund to next of kin in case of death due to flight crash. All rights to refund are forfeited upon consumption of complimentary Triscuit.